Tasman Sea

Feb. 9 10:30am. At sea about 1000 miles from Australia. Angry, rough sea today. Gray and drizzle. 67degrees. Ship traveling with the waves so not too bad. I noticed yesterday I spelled bungee wrong. Teachers should know how to spell. Saurree. What pressure!! Pickleball was a little damp today but nobody fell. That’s a good thing. El is at her daily lecture right now. I am practicing my music for this afternoon’s uku get-together. Teachers should know how to play. What pressure!! Tonight’s show is a magician. Last night, I think I told you, was a native Maori dance and singing show. Lots of shouting, stomping, whirling, tongue sticking outing, etc. I tried it in our room when we returned but Ellen wasn’t scared at all. Then I did it again wearing only a small loincloth. That scared the crap out of her!! During the night, it was really rough. The ship was rolling side to side so much that one time I rolled right on top of Ellen. That really, really scared the crap out of her!! “No respect, I get no respect” said Rodney Dangerfield.
Feb. 10. 7:00am. The comic magician last night was unbelievably funny. Probably the best act we have ever seen. Forty five minutes of laughing/tears. Princess spares no expense to bring onboard the best acts in the world. Ellen is doing her morning walk before breakfast. Smooth seas right now. Rough yesterday. Right now 68 degrees and 76% humidity. Cloudy. At 9:15 this morning, we will listen and watch a power point presentation on Sydney. They give us a lot of info about each port, excursions that are offered; geography of the area; history; security; shopping; walking around; taxi and shuttle services; money exchange and dollar value; etc. Very concise information. Bye for now.
11:00am. Ellen’s excursion in Sydney, as you probably know, is climbing the famous Harbor Bridge (nicknamed the “coat hanger”). She will be in a special jumpsuit, take a alcohol breath test, and tethered. No cameras or backpacks allowed. At the summit, she will be one half mile above the harbor. DON’T fall El, I can’t do the bills!!!! I, on the other hand, will not be climbing the bridge. I will be doing something equally dangerous. A city bus tour and now comes the dangerous part – visiting a world famous beach called Bondi (pronounced Bond-eye Beach). This beach was the location, in 2007, for the largest bikini photo shoot in the world. Over 1000 bikini clad women took part. I will be strolling along this same beach, on a Sunday (pronounced Sund-eye) that just happens to be a TOPLESS beach. Now picture a svelte, American stud, like me, alone, surrounded by topless women. That’s the definition of danger!!! I can handle it! Bring it on!! Bet you all can’t wait for my report on this trip. Huh? IT BETTER NOT RAIN THAT DAY!!!!!!!!
1:15pm. I forgot to tell you, we had an incident at pickleball this morning. While we’re playing, Mahut, from India, the pool boy,(not really a boy) comes over to us with a cardboard box in his hand. He says “stoop de gam, pleece. Dare ees a burd oonder dis table. Vee mus poot heem in deese box”. And, lo and behold, there was a bird under the table. We say, “ok, put him in the box”. It was a sea bird the size of a pigeon. There was blood around it, so it probably hurt itself somehow. It was still walking around a bit. He says “ I cannot doo eet”. I say “throw a towel over it and pick it up”. He says “I cannot do eet, I ham too afraid. I ham afraid of dees burd”. So the bird whisperer (me) takes action. I gently place a bath towel over the bird and pick it up and put it into the box. Shakily, pool boy gingerly takes the box away. It will probably be served as quail in the dining room this evening. The moral of this story is that Indians are afraid of birds and I am the “Birdman of the Pacific”!!
Over and out! Signed, Captain Cook

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